Colgate - Please help me understand your confusing Tooth Paste

After some delay, they help me to understand:

Presidential Who's Who - Please let me join your esteemed organization

I found the following fax at my office:

This is an exciting opportunity. A quick glance at their website confirms that they are a respected organization. They have a jingle when you click on menus. And a quote from  the President of Kansas (the quotation marks are theirs): -Everyone has been very helpful and considerate of my time.You have made this a pleasant experience. "Steven Reynolds ,President" Kansas.

And to top it off, "In addition to our annual publication, Presidential Who’s Who offers its membership an elegant wall plaque that will define you as a high achiever to all who enter your workplace."

I am so excited my business can finally be recognized for its contributions through wall plaques:

Several weeks later, I was surprised to receive the following reply:

Metlife - Please let me feature your Blimp in my wedding

A lot of themes coming together in this one...

Hopefully they will be more accommodating than the Goodyear brigands...

Michelin Tires - Please let me meet the Michelin Man/Don't arrest me

The much-anticipated letter(s) to Michelin:

A week or so after receiving this letter, I received a knock on my door, which I opened to reveal two burly looking gentlemen. A rough transcript of the conversation follows:

Craigslist Users - Please accompany me on a Cougar Hunting expedition

I was recently informed that there is a large Cougar problem in Cambridge. I have thusly resolved to offer my services to help:

I received a number of curious responses to this post. Note that they are all "safe for work" but get a little... weird.....