Harmony Wynelands - Please cater my divorce!

I got tired of marriage letters, so I decided to try a new tactic:

Scheduling a divorce clown is hard. Someone should also probably mention that they spelled "Wineland" wrong, and also that even "wineland" isn't a real word. Nevertheless, they graciously replied:

All types of parties? Makes the mind wander....... Sadly, I never managed to make it out to Lodi. Maybe if Amiee Alan Catering had been willing to cater my Kazakh wedding, we wouldn't have gotten off on the wrong foot.  

Glamour Magazine - Please publish my apology for ruining someone's wedding! (Updated 8/2/2010)

***** NOTE *****

Due to a request from Glamour, certain aspects of this post had to be edited. If you saw an earlier version of this post, you should probably go back in time and not look at it. Sandwiches are a good way to distract your past self. In fact, you should probably just go make one right now and not bother (re)reading this in the first place. 

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I received this prompt by email from Helpareporter (the same organization that connected me with the Mayan Wedding people.) Note that this is punctuated "Help a Reporter," not "Help! A Reporter!":

This sounds like a great chance for Calveen to make her authorial debut:

Metlife - Please let me feature your Blimp in my wedding

A lot of themes coming together in this one...

Hopefully they will be more accommodating than the Goodyear brigands...

Skiing Magazine - Please come to my ski wedding (and give me free skis!!)

This was the email that started it: 


from Fred Decatt
to Editor@skiingmag
date Wed, Jul 1, 2009 at 9:49 AM
subject Letter to the editor


Dear Sir or Madam,


I recently composed this letter about my upcoming ski nuptial to send to your fine publication, but realized I have no stamps, envelopes, or saliva. I have attached a copy here, and will send a hard copy by mail at my soonest convenience.
Hope to hear from you soon!

Best,
Fred Decatt
freddecatt@gmail.com

Aqua - Please let me propose at your restaurant!

They kindly agreed to help...

I unfortunately was not able to contact them due to my faulty, water-logged phone.

Blue Heron - Please cater my "extreme" Underwater wedding

Their insightful reply!:

Extreme reality TV!!!!

Amiee Alan - Please cater my Volcano wedding

Their reply:

My reply:

Their next reply:

My final reply:

Sadly, they did not want to come to Kazakhstan

Lufthansa - Please cater my aerial wedding

Their reply: