Sunday, March 7, 2010

Michelin Tires - Please let me meet the Michelin Man/Don't arrest me

The much-anticipated letter(s) to Michelin:

A week or so after receiving this letter, I received a knock on my door, which I opened to reveal two burly looking gentlemen. A rough transcript of the conversation follows:
Man in Beret: "Hello, we're detectives with the Cambridge Police Department, do you know a Mr. Fred  Decatt?"

Me: "No, he's not a real person."

(Man in Beret turns to Man in Leather Coat; looks confused)

Me: "I mean, yes, I'm him, I guess."

Man in Beret: "Did you threaten to kill the Michelin Man?" 

Me: "Excuse me?"

Man in Leather Coat: "We received a complaint from Michelin Tires that a Mr. Fred Decatt made death threats against their corporate mascot, and they are taking them very seriously."

Me: "The Michelin Man isn't a real person..."

Man in Beret: "Yes, but they fear collateral damage, you know,  given everything that has been happening recently... Do you have any history of mental problems? Are you on any medications?" 

Me: (regretting saying Fred Decatt isn't a real person) "No... and I don't think I made any threats... I just wanted to meet him. Maybe I should show you the letter I sent?"

Man in Leather Coat: (after reading letter) "Oh... I see... Well... um... don't do this sort of thing anymore. You won't be hearing from us again."

This was quite the shock to me. I never thought letter-writing could cause such egregious angst! So, as any sane person would do, I wrote them again:

They never wrote back. Gates gets a beer summit and I don't? What a travesty of Justice. 

The worst part is, I actually was afraid of the Michelin Man as a kid! He has a countenance reminiscent of the nefarious the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man:

I encourage you all to think twice before purchasing tires from a company with such a monstrous mascot, and apparently zero sense of humor.


  1. Incredible. Maybe if we make this a big enough of a PR nightmare you can get your beer summit! Commence forwarding.....

  2. What do you think "everything that has been happening recently" means?

  3. there's something ironic about a fictional person threatening another fictional person.

  4. Funny that the Michelin mascot doesn't even resemble a tire. Is he a Michelin employee who had a terrible chemical accident while manufacturing tires that transformed him into this? Not knowing what this rubbery mass of man is capable of makes me afraid of him too.

  5. He looks pretty powerful here. No napalm though...