British Lottery - Please give me my winnings!

I received this email recently:

This is exciting! 500,000 British Pounds without even entering the lottery! That's how most lotteries make money. I informed them of my interest and received the following in reply:

I reply:

Apparently they like sending long emails that don't make for helpful screenshots:

I like the grammar usage, as well as the encouragement to donate money and avoid "time wasting". They also sent me this:

In compliance with their requests, I sent the following email to their "lawyer." Don't worry if you are getting confused, it doesn't really matter:

Apparently they aren't reading these. Or don't speak English. They send me the following email. Note the footer:

...followed by a separate email:

How could this not be a real bank? I sent them back my completed form. They asked for a passport photo, which I sadly could not procure, so I drew one in:

Then comes the kicker. They send me an email from their lawyer, "Barrister Jeffery James Dean", requesting 590 British pounds in legal fees. The lengthy email is below:

Dear client,

I am in receipt of your e-mail in which you have indicated your interest in our legal services. I understand you are one of the 2010 LOTTERY WINNERS from the information I have gotten from Yorkshire Bank, let me say Congratulations..!

First and foremost, In order to sign you on as a client, you have to give me the power of attorney to act on your behalf. A power of attorney is a legal instrument that is used to delegate legal authority to an attorney in legal transactions where the principal (you) cannot be present to procure or sign necessary legal documents. Without this document, I can not legally act on your behalf. I have attached the power of attorney document to this mail, you will have to fill and send it back after you have accepted the processing and service provision charge analysis below.

Should incase you have not been clarified, The Affidavit of claim is a document required by most Financial Institutions here in UK for the Legalization/Certification of Claims. The Authorization Letter is also required of UK non-residents before fund Transfer/Payment worth over 50,000.00 GBP can be made. This serves as an Authorization to the Bank to release your fund to you as the rightful beneficiary.

The essence of these demanded documents by the Bank is to ensure that your winning right and privilege is upheld and protected by legal backing. It is also to ensure that the funds which is being remitted to you is obtained legally and not intended to be used in support of acts of social vices or terrorism. Your winning right and privilege in code 039 and 137 of the British law {protects the legitimacy of the acquisition and transfer of huge sums}.

Reference to this, I wish to state to you the following as the required logistics to facilitate me to accomplish your request and to act as your attorney as regards signing your fund release order and other relevant transfer documents on your behalf.

Processing and Service provision Charges Analysis

1. Affidavit of claim (Oath Fee/Stamp duties) - 380 British Pounds

2. Consultation/Legal Service Charge: £210 British Pounds 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total = 590 British Pounds.

The Oath/stamp duties Fee must be paid to the Crown Court Commissioner for Oaths before the Affidavit of claims can be sworn and authorization letter issued to me on your behalf . 

For my service, I charge a non negotiable fee of £210 British Pounds and payment must to be made before I commence proceedings.

For your early information, the above cost is not deductible from your prize money in Yorkshire Bank because our chamber has no access, withdrawal or deduction right over your prize money in the Bank. As stipulated in the working guideline given to our chambers by the paying Bank, the cost shall be sent by you (winner) through our chambers account department.

The duration of preparing all relevant documents from the British Judiciary Crown here in Manchester normally take less than 12 hours if the necessary fees are paid to the Court. 

To enable me execute your job immediately you are advised to send the document processing fee and my service provision fee (590 British Pounds) via Western Union Money transfer immediately with the name of my secretary below.

SECRETARY: MRS. ELIZABETH NEWTON

ADDRESS: #85 Stocport Road, Longsight

Manchester M60 2DB - UK

Just copy of the above information and take it to Western Union agent close to you, this information will be needed for the transfer to be done to my secretary through Western Union Money Transfer. Once the payment has been done , endeavour to send the following information to me:

1- MTCN(Money Transfer Control Number):

2- SENDER NAME AND ADDRESS:

3-SCAN COPY OF THE WESTERN UNION TRANSFER SLIP(Payment Slip)

4-Scan copy of ID (Drivers license or passport)

I have also attached a copy of the Crown Court Affidavit Application form to this e-mail and you are required to complete and return it to me immediately payment is done . A Copy of the attached POWER OF ATTORNEY document must be forwarded to Yorkshire Bank. Make sure you printout the POWER OF ATTORNEY document before filling it.

Best Regard 

Barr Jeffery Dean

(Principal Partner)L.L.B 

I was starting to get tired of this, so I started with blatant tomfoolery to grab their attention:

Instead, I got this copy of his passport, and a link to his really great website which is sadly now broken ='(

He's a real rebel without a cause. I send the following:

Apparently he was surprised not to receive the transfer from Fartley and Spooge banking; after some complaints, he asked me to resend some documents, so I sent him this final email...

...with the following "affidavit" attached:

  

I received no further reply. I guess the monkey knife fight finally got his attention.

As an aside, some research into scam culture revealed that there is a whole sport made of "scamming the scammers" called "scambaiting." I highly recommend the following video exhibiting the prowess of some other scambaiters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IQqd17p9_0 

What Thespians! Lovely plumage!