Sunday, March 7, 2010

Michelin Tires - Please let me meet the Michelin Man/Don't arrest me

The much-anticipated letter(s) to Michelin:


A week or so after receiving this letter, I received a knock on my door, which I opened to reveal two burly looking gentlemen. A rough transcript of the conversation follows:
Man in Beret: "Hello, we're detectives with the Cambridge Police Department, do you know a Mr. Fred  Decatt?"

Me: "No, he's not a real person."

(Man in Beret turns to Man in Leather Coat; looks confused)

Me: "I mean, yes, I'm him, I guess."

Man in Beret: "Did you threaten to kill the Michelin Man?" 

Me: "Excuse me?"

Man in Leather Coat: "We received a complaint from Michelin Tires that a Mr. Fred Decatt made death threats against their corporate mascot, and they are taking them very seriously."

Me: "The Michelin Man isn't a real person..."

Man in Beret: "Yes, but they fear collateral damage, you know,  given everything that has been happening recently... Do you have any history of mental problems? Are you on any medications?" 

Me: (regretting saying Fred Decatt isn't a real person) "No... and I don't think I made any threats... I just wanted to meet him. Maybe I should show you the letter I sent?"

Man in Leather Coat: (after reading letter) "Oh... I see... Well... um... don't do this sort of thing anymore. You won't be hearing from us again."

This was quite the shock to me. I never thought letter-writing could cause such egregious angst! So, as any sane person would do, I wrote them again:


They never wrote back. Gates gets a beer summit and I don't? What a travesty of Justice. 

The worst part is, I actually was afraid of the Michelin Man as a kid! He has a countenance reminiscent of the nefarious the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man:


I encourage you all to think twice before purchasing tires from a company with such a monstrous mascot, and apparently zero sense of humor.





5 comments:

  1. Incredible. Maybe if we make this a big enough of a PR nightmare you can get your beer summit! Commence forwarding.....

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  2. What do you think "everything that has been happening recently" means?

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  3. there's something ironic about a fictional person threatening another fictional person.

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  4. Funny that the Michelin mascot doesn't even resemble a tire. Is he a Michelin employee who had a terrible chemical accident while manufacturing tires that transformed him into this? Not knowing what this rubbery mass of man is capable of makes me afraid of him too.

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  5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HF_I68jCwHg He looks pretty powerful here. No napalm though...

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