Craigslist Users - Please purchase my snake, Hissers

More Craigslist tomfoolery:

I received more responses than I would care to document. However, some highlights below:


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From: eightleggedrat@XXX
To: Fred Decatt
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 3:01 PM

Hi,
I am a high school biology teacher, and I moonlight as an exotic animal handler. I've had some recent changes in my animals at home, and I have an enclosure open that would be great for Hissers. At this point in the school year we are talking a lot about biodiversity and the kids are always excited to see new things. If Hissers were to come to us, he would be joining four different kinds of snakes we already have.
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From: Fred Decatt
To: eightleggedrat@XXX
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 4:11 PM

Hi David,
That's great, I am a teacher too and moonlight as a different sort of "exotic handler". I'm a little confused by your response, though, you have kids in enclosures at your home, and you want to put the snake in with them? Hissers is pretty friendly, but that seems unethical; children should be allowed to roam free? Please clarify?


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From: eightleggedrat@XXX
To: Fred Decatt
Wed, Feb 17, 2010 at 7:27 AM

Good Morning Fred,
You got it right, I keep kids in my enclosures at home and occasionally I drop snakes in with them. Usually the snakes eat the children, sometimes it's the other way around, but mostly I find the kids and the snakes playing checkers until the kids say they are ready to go home. It's a strange hobby, but you never know what may catch your attention until you start stuffing kids in 10 gal aquariums! As for the ethical issues involved, I usually get a signed waiver.


Another respondent:

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From: Kristi@XXX
To: Fred Decatt
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 3:35 PM

I studied herpetology and spent a summer in costa rica catching lizards and playing with fer de lances. I have three tortoises, a leopard gecko, and a corn snake, but also two cats, so I am not sure about a snake that will try to bite them. How big is it? It is hard to get scale from the pic, and also hard to identify, because the colubridae dichotomous keys say things like "has two scales between eye and nostril." Did you ask your roommate if he is missing anything? Is it nice? Not really down for a mean snake. You get any takers yet? If not, let me know. Maybe I can at least identify it for you.

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From: Fred Decatt
To: Kristi@XXX
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 4:23 PM

Hello,

I tried to contact my roommate about Hissers, but he was deported back to Mali so I have been unable to reach him. He may have left Hissers to spite me, but this is doubtful. We got along pretty well, except when his giant tortise tried to eat my bedsheets.

Hissers only bit my cat(s) once that I know of. I have 16 cats, and Jingle got a little frisky with Hissers so Hissers responded with vigor. He just nipped Jingle, who is recovering nicely. So long as you don't have too many overly ambitious cats, I'm sure Hissers would be a great addition. He is approx. 2-4 feet long; I have not stretched him out to his full length as I fear his scaly skin. Do you think if you moisturized snakes they would be less scaly?
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From: Kristi@XXX
To: Fred Decatt
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 4:51 PM

Can you even take snakes when you are deported? Definitely not if you are going to Hawaii, but my knowledge of Mail is sparse. I know they ship corn snakes across country, but shipping an unidentified snake internationally, without a permit...ha. I would like to have been at fedex to observe when you tried.

Normally I would be very ambitious, but I guess I am shallow when it comes to reptiles and frankly - hissers is a butterscales. As you can see from the attached pictures, my animals are very attractive, and though every group needs a "fat friend", I feel their cold-blooded nature would prevent them from accepting him into their family and he might be better off elsewhere.
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From: Fred Decatt
To: Kristi@XXX
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 6:35 PM

I'm not sure what you are implying. Are you saying Hissers is Fat? What insolence! He just doesn't get a chance to work out much since he is living in a cardboard encasement (a box). His ice cream diet also probably is not helping.

I did not tell Fed Ex that I was shipping a snake. I just put him in a box and gave it to the clerk. They became suspicious when the box began moving on the scales. I said it was banana bread. They did not believe me. I do not know how Amadou got his reptiles out. Probably in his luggage or his pants (this is not unprecedented).

I think Hissers would appreciate an apology. Then perhaps we could discuss identifying his species.
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From: Kristi@XXX
To: Fred Decatt
Tue, Feb 16, 2010 at 7:19 PM

I am very sorry, Hissers.

I did not mean to call him fat - just unattractive. I know it's shallow, but really, who likes a snake for it's personality?

If you are not on a watch list yet for your last attempt, you should try to etherize the snake and send it quickly. I work in a lab and could feasibly pilfer chloroform. Most snakes can easily go months without eating, so it should be fine, unless your roommate left in September. In which case, you should count your cats again. If he fed it live mice, it usually won't eat frozen/thawed ones, which is kind of annoying. Wild mice are generally not recommended, but if he has been living in your attic for that long, they would be the least of his problems.
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This goes on... for about 25 more emails. Although she was rather mean to Hissers at first, at least she was nice enough to apologize for calling him fat, and offer to steal chloroform to knock him out before shipping him via Fed Ex to my former roommate Amadou in Mali whose tortoise ate my bedsheets . That's devotion.